tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just pee around me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
