I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
