i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
