I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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