i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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