saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
No subtext here. People are naked.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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