She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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