We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I did not marry a roomba.
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