Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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