I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
