he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
