nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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