I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Come on in and take your pants off
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