I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
