I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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