I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
