he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
