he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
