nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
