the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
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Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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