I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
