id be glad to
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
