please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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