cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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