So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
