i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
