I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You pole danced in your parka.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
