On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
