maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
