you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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