remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
