When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
