if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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