I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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