We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
