I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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