I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
