This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
