My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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