I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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