Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
