my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
