He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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