Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
