So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
