So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
