did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
