I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
