He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
