508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
