3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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