Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
