Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
