When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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