I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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