I'm gonna have a badass scar
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
