between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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