How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
