well you can't waste a boner
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i dont even know how to be here
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
