I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
