I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
