I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
