If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
