this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize