Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
